Donnette

I woke up on my 59th birthday giving thanks for yet another day of life. I had never felt better or more alive. I no longer take my days for granted ever since I learnt that appreciating everything and every person sent to accompany me on my journey was a very satisfying way to live. Even more magical, the more I give thanks the more I seem to have to be grateful for.

I had a brief historical flashback of all the significant points in my journey which had brought me to being 59, especially all the achievements and pioneering activities I had done. I marveled at it all. I try not to dwell on past negativities because they do not resolve anything, neither do they help my future because they are already gone and I am still here; still able to change my actions if I wish, to reach for the skies and beyond. I thought of all the women like me, in their fifties or forties, who hate being older, who refuse to mention their age when asked, who physically dread the aging process, who spend their days not being grateful for life, but cursing their age, watching their wrinkles, and counting them grudgingly, getting even more lines as they watch; women who dread to see their face and bodies in the mirror.

My heart went out to them because a long time ago I used to be like that. Then I gradually learnt that dead people don't age! If I am aging, I must be ALIVE, thank goodness! I wished at that moment I could share some of the awesome self-love that I feel with them, the way I accept my age completely and do not even bother to think about it. In fact, I cannot wait to be 60 next year because I know I will look and feel exactly the same. And if I am still around, you will all be able to judge the result of that statement for yourselves.

I must be one of the few women, or perhaps even the only one in the world who keeps looking forward to each birthday, being completely unfazed by age. I think about my age only in relation to using it as an encouragement and inspiration to others. I know I do not care anymore about aging itself, and the strangest thing is that I am looking better with each birthday. I have switched the focus from getting older to how fabulous I can be as I age, and what an empowerment that is turning out to be. I posted my new birthday pics that evening and I have had so many appreciative comments from men since then, it has been unbelievable. One would have thought I had become a year younger!

Lost Love, Lost Years
I also thought about my children. I always come back to that. My children whom I love dearly and who have used the marriage break-up to judge me and vilify me like a criminal. My children who have resisted my attempts at leaving the past behind, yet not saying what crime I committed. I know we will reconcile our differences in due course because love always prevails. But that thought does nothing to lessen the continuing pain because our situation is totally avoidable, if one has no need for scapegoats. In the meantime, the years flash by, 6 years and counting, in this quagmire if animosity and vindictiveness, going nowhere fast. Regardless of the differences and the blame, forgiveness is the only thing that can heal the wounds because no one can ever go back into the past to retrieve lost pride, lost love or lost years. They are gone forever.

In fact, a truly sobering thought just hit me as I am writing this. We all live as though we have forever to do as we wish; we keep putting off things in our life or putting off declaring our love until another day. But we actually have only THIS MOMENT in time, about a minute long, before it becomes the past and we have it no more. Because we are constantly moving forward in seems as though we have the whole day but we don't. We only ever have a tiny moment in that day to be completely aware of ourself and what we want to do before the past takes over. For example, I began to type this blog 10 minutes ago. That's the past. This line of writing is my present now but by the time I put my full stop to end it, the whole line will become the past! I cannot go back to those few minutes before now. They are gone.

So, with the knowledge that today is the beginning of the rest of my life, which I intend to make the BEST of my life, I am really going to enjoy the journey. My birthday celebrations were wonderful and now it is business as usual as I continue to enjoy the gift and true blessing that is Elaine Sihera. CHEERS to another glorious year!

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah -www.ecademy.com/user/elainesihera and http://www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and lifestyle columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University.

Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a Personal Empowerment, Relationships and Diversity Consultant. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on http://www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"